I wrote recently about my sister’s amazing baby, Nicholas: Please Help on Behalf of My Nephew and Sister. Even though we were waiting for Nicholas’ passing for three years (he outlived his doctors predictions by three years), we were not ready. A physician friend said he thought Nicholas would gently fade, and that was the case. It was so fast when the time came (a matter of hours) and I couldn’t get there in time to say good-bye.
Even after he has moved on, Nicholas continues to teach me. I have never experienced such intense, heart wrenching grief. I needed a way to deal with it and in seeking that way, my humanness grew exponentially. I could write for pages about the realizations and understandings I experienced, but I will only share one. We make many assumptions, and so often they are wrong. In the case of Nicholas the assumptions were endless, but I will focus on this: we all felt bad for him - that he couldn’t move much, speak, eat or express love in ways that we understood. As my grieving continued, I realized that exceptionally few of us have experienced the constant, always intentional, unending love that was given to Nicholas. We love our spouses, children, parents, but it is likely that none of has received love the way that Nicholas did. I wonder what that felt like to him.
At the end of Nicholas’ funeral, we released Monarch butterflies, and it was a gorgeous moment that somehow seemed to joyfully stretch. The butterflies came out of their envelopes and climbed onto our hands, stretched their wings, warmed in the sun, and eventually took flight. Grandma had the following printed on the butterfly envelopes:
"In memory of Nicholas James Torpey…Let his strong, wild, fun-loving soul do what his body wouldn’t allow. "
That moment in time and those beautiful words will make me smile and grow my heart forever:
he indeed was loved beyond comparison and beyond description and that was evident by the hundreds of people who came to show their love and support for his short little life. The butterflies will always bring me peace also.!
Posted by: nancy ruhana | July 04, 2012 at 12:20 PM
A very beautiful tribute.
Posted by: paleoMD | July 04, 2012 at 03:04 PM
Such a sweet picture and beautiful words. Continuing to think of you and your family. xoxo
Posted by: Shannan | August 19, 2012 at 06:28 PM